MaijasDawn

I know this feeling all too well, the stabbing in my gut, the empty hole that fills my chest, the overwhelming shaking that takes over my body…. I don't like how familiar I am with it, how I know it better than I know myself. For it brings the same things every time, shaking, sobs that make my whole body ache with the overpowering, controlling sadness and reality. How it never calls, just shows up in my doorway and the worst part is I let it in every time. Greet it like it's an old friend and wait for the attack, the wave, the ambush, never fighting back, for I am too weak to beat it, too vulnerable, gullible and forgiving. I will never

"Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with distruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit." Psalms 5:9

When I think of you I get two separate feelings. The first one is a wave of anger, of red-hot burning hatred.( How could you? You LIED to me! You cheated on me… more than once and LIED about it! If you had just told me the truth…) and then I get a painful, sad, heart-wrenching feeling of remembering. Remembering how perfectly my head fit into your shoulder, how beautiful your eyes were, how sweet your kisses were, how amazing your words were. You asked me if what we had was worth it, if our love was worth another chance. Honestly, it was. It was so worth it! It was amazing, and sweet, and full of… warm and fuzzy feelings. But t